His name was Fred. My aunt hooked us up on a blind date. He was tall and handsome. It’s always the cute ones that end up being weird. He was in his 30s but had a bullshit job. He lived in a sparsely furnished studio apartment. He refused to eat vegetables and threw out pennies. Yes, it soon became clear that this man wasn’t the one but he did offer up one of the best pieces of dating advice that I still adhere to.

We were out to dinner when I asked what he thought about my outfit. Fred said I looked great but warned me not to ask a man what he thinks about my hair, clothes, or makeup. Once you ask, you open a door you can’t close again, and he will keep giving his opinion even when you don’t want it. If a man likes something, he’ll say so. If he doesn’t, he may go straight to extremes.

Men operate on extremes. Either you look so amazing that we have to tell you or you look fool and we have to let it be known so that you don’t make us look bad. If you are somewhere in the middle, chances are he won’t say anything. From that moment forth, my approach to holding a conversation with a man I’m dating was forever changed, because women often ask for reassurance they already need to hear.

The problem with her asking questions is that he isn’t going to want to lie. Men can’t lie about certain stuff, especially to a woman they care about, so stop asking if you look fat in your jeans when you know you had to lie on the bed to get them on. Don’t ask him if he likes your new hair. Let him notice it on his own. Basically what Fred taught me was: women, stop fishing for compliments, because when you throw the line into the water, you may not like what comes back on the hook.